October Newsletter - 2003

October 1, 2003

Dear Friends in Christ’s Divine Mercy,

As we approach the feast day of St. Faustina I wanted to write to you and share with you some thoughts on the spiritual life and the importance of living a gentle, recollected life of interior discipline. Prayer does not just “happen”; we make it happen by our openness to God’s grace and by setting times aside each day to pray. The spiritual practices of our Oblates are designed to be able to be incorporated into the very real lives of busy, lay people. In all of our “promises” we are under the law of freedom. The compulsive personality is not gentle. We are called to live in freedom, not compulsion. Do what you can today. Do the best you can today and then do the same tomorrow. Live your faith in a gentle spirit; live your commitments with a loving spirit.

My topic for this month is what I call: “Living in the World of Should.” We all live in this world from time to time. To “see things as they should be” is really a gift. God plants within us an innate sense of right and wrong. Sometimes our conscience tells us something is wrong even before we know why. How often have we heard a “theology” that we sense is wrong in our spirit? Later we usually find out that it is in fact poor theology, but we did not know it intellectually. We knew it was wrong by an interior sense. This faculty is a gift. Likewise, young people have a great innate sense of “justice.” How often we hear them say, “that’s not fair!” They are often right, of course, but we quickly think or say that most of life is not fair. When children say “that’s not fair” they are already comparing “reality” to a better “reality” that we think should be. Even very young children have insight into the world of should.

Such thinking is a gift. It is also a burden and can be debilitating. What do I mean? How many young people enter a convent or seminary and become so disillusioned that they quickly pack their bags? How many marriages crumble in the daily reality of marriage that can never live up to the ideal state that was supposed to exist? How many times have we been crushed, devastated and driven to quit some activity or another because it is not what it “should be?”

I call it “living in the world of should” because it is a world that must be visited, but we cannot reside there. We live in a sinful world. We are part of that sinful world; we are sinners. In the world of should everyone is the way we think they are supposed to be and doing what we think they are supposed to be doing. How many people have trouble with their husband or wife because they think they should be different than what they are? How many problems with parents, children, in-laws, work partners, pastors et al are the result of frustration because they are not what they “should be” (at least in our eyes)? How much of our self-loathing and lack of gentleness with ourselves is driven by a relentless perfectionism that does not see ourselves as “lovable” as the people we are?

My friends, I say we must visit the world of should because it helps us to keep our ideals before our eyes and keeps us on the straight and narrow. I insist we cannot live there because even if we are right about how things should be, we will be paralyzed by disappointment, cynicism and even resentment if things are not the way we think they should be. Do we not know people who cannot participate in activities because they are not as they think they “should be?” How many spiritual groups have collapsed because of control issues? How many are so idealistic that they are unable to adjust to real people living real lives? Rigidity is a characteristic of the world of should. Rigidity crushes the spirit of gentleness within us.

God did not come into the world to condemn the world but to save it. (John 3) He embraced the world as it was/is and loved it into Life. He embraces us in our shame, brokenness, sinfulness, and transforms us gently, over time into the people He calls us to be. It is delicate work. God is gentle with us; we must be gentle with ourselves and each other out of love for Him. Mercy is extended to the world that is, not to the world of should.

As disciples of Jesus should we not imitate His gentle love? When we are too busy trying to change people and situations around us we are not able to love them. The “control freak” lives in the world of should. Are they happier? Are they gentler? Do they have peace? When we seek to change first, we almost never get around to loving people as they are. When we love people first, we begin to notice changes in them and us.

I share these simple thoughts with you so that you may prayerfully reflect on living a more humble, gentle interior life.

Sincerely Yours in Christ,

Rev. Richard F. Clancy